God has been drawing me to himself lately in a way that I haven't experienced in quite a while in my walk with Him. To be honest, the past few years have been really stagnant and I feel like I've just been going through the motions!
But, the past few months we have been praying and seeking God for this internship process for Andrew's school and about 2 months ago God lead us to switch Sunday School classes. In the midst of these things God has drawn my focus and given me a renewed desire for Him and His word. I knew that God was using this preparation for next year and thoughts and worry that I had about it to refocus me on Him! He knows that I ultimately, despite my selfishness and lack of discipline, want His will to be done. All that to say, my time with Him alone as well as Sunday School lessons and church have all tied in so closely to one another I know it could be nothing more than the Holy Spirit at work in my life...for what I thought was preparing me for decisions and the road to finishing school for Andrew and where we would be.
But, it may be for more than that. My dad has not felt "good" for quite some time now. We have blamed it on how much he works, the fact that he needs a valve replaced in his heart, and what seems to be new diagnosis upon new diagnosis in the past few months. All this to say, the past few weeks he has begun to ache and hurt all over. My dad never complains and this past week he told mom that it was all he could do to get out of bed. Finally, today mom made another appointment with his Dr. and she went with him to say "something is NOT RIGHT!" And...the Dr. agreed. He has referred daddy to a rheumatologist to rule out rheumatoid arthritis and Lupus! My heart and my mind and my gut all hurt! I hate to see my daddy hurt and suffer.
God is so much bigger than me, and I believe these past 2 months have been a time of preparation for this too. I have cried on and off today at the thought of what "could" be for us, well for him. And then I go back to praying to the Lord that He would be glorified. That he would give my mom and dad faith and peace like they have never known. He is IN CONTROL! I have to remind myself of that over and over again. And I also remind myself of the truth that our Sunday school teacher has said almost every Sunday since we started going..."EVERYTHING is filtered through the SOVEREIGN hand of God." Even this! and then I am reminded of the old hymn we sang a few weeks ago in church....
Tis' so sweet to trust in Jesus
Just to take Him at His word;
Just to rest upon his promise
and to know "thus saith the Lord!"
Jesus, Jesus how I trust Him!
How I've proved him o'er and o'er!
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus
Oh for grace to trust Him more!
He has shown His faithfulness to us OVER and OVER again! Please pray for my dad and his health, for my mom as well..peace for both of them and faith in the Lord as they walk through this together. Pray for my dad and the pain and aching to go away. For the doctors he will see and for a diagnosis that is easily treatable! Also, that dad would be able to continue working as he doesn't get paid time off AT ALL! God is good.